Often, when someone asks us for something we haven’t managed to do, our answer begins: It’s just that… But what is the underlying meaning of this phrase, so short and yet so full of everything?
Translator’s note: The Spanish expression discussed here is “es que”, roughly “it’s just that”.
“Es” is the third-person singular form of the Spanish verb “ser”, meaning “to be”; and “que”, used as a relative pronoun, already gives us an idea of where the explanation is heading.
From a grammatical point of view, and looking a little more closely at the discourse, “es”, as the third-person singular of “ser”, is saving us from any responsibility we have taken on — or at least we think it is. We use “es que” to free ourselves, to kick the ball out of play, to blame a thing or a person for our lack of determination or interest in doing something, placing responsibility on other “shoulders” and firmly believing that “es que” has saved us. Most of the time, “es que” is seen as another way of making an excuse for not keeping our word.
Beginning an explanation or an answer with “it’s just that”, without realising it, exposes us, lays bare our weaknesses, and we disappoint the person who trusted us when they asked us for that thing. We diminish ourselves; we undermine the credibility and trust they have placed in us, and little by little, we begin to disappear from the circle of trust of a friend, a colleague, a family member or even our partner.
What can we do? Commit only to what we can deliver. Accept our responsibilities. Believe in ourselves as much as that person does. Listen to ourselves more and complain less. Stop the “it’s just thats” immediately, before they cause havoc. Pay a little attention to conversations and try to identify phrases such as these:
- It’s just that it was raining.
- It’s just that it was already late.
- It’s just that I was tired.
- It’s just that…
Do you remember the last time you began an explanation with the equivalent of those two Spanish words? How did you feel?
“Words that are not followed by deeds are worth nothing.”
Aesop